It’s awful to contemplate a futureless future. The monstrosity of being alive overwhelms you and all aspects of your existence is questioned. The power of depression embedding itself within every atom of your body, taking control and making the good things hazy and sometimes unrecognisable. Feeling like a ghost in this uneducated world has become familiar, and being misunderstood has become an expectation.
We live in an ignorant world where if you break your leg, everyone will sympathise and rush to sign your cast, but if you tell people you have a mental illness, too many people will scoff and rush away in the opposite direction. We are so accepting of any body part breaking down, apart from our brains – baffling as it is the complex organ that controls every part of your being.
Pure ignorance has created a world that does not understand mental health. I think this maybe because you cannot physically see inside someone’s brain – they cannot see the proof that will convince them this is a major problem.
“You can’t reason yourself back into cheerfulness any more than you can reason yourself into an extra six inches in height.” – Stephen Fry
I know it is hard to understand a mental illness if you are lucky enough to never have suffered under its grip – creating a whole load of unanswered questions. I think that’s what scares people – the unknown. There is no definitive answer to why a person has a mental illness or a sure way of how to be treated.
There are many theories, e.g. the biological approach – the theory that suggests poor mental health is caused by an unbalance of neuro-transmitters in the brain, or a different brain structure to those who are considered ‘normal’. The behavioural approach – mental illness is obtained through the environment you are exposed to and your responses to it. I won’t even start on Freud. That’s just to name a few. That’s what pissed me off when I studied A-Level Psychology. I think I was looking for an answer that doesn’t exist yet. I like facts. I like to know why things are the way they are and how to fix them, and I struggle with the frustration that I do not know. How am I meant to get better and make progress with my latest therapist if I only have theories for my illness? How can I be certain that any hidden root I uncover as a possible source is true? I hope this is something psychotherapy helps me become more comfortable with, because maybe then the feeling of hopelessness will subside.